Don’t Waste Your Time

In a previous blog, I made titled I’m in my late 30s, this is how I wasted my 20s. I talk a lot about what I did wrong but now, in this video… I’ve decided to share some practical solutions that helped me escape my downward spiral and live a more fulfilling life.

I started with a life audit. I sat down with a piece of paper and did what I call a brain dump.

I literally wrote everything out that was on my mind in a random unordered list.

Once I did that I was able to clearly go over certain areas of my life and reflect on what needed improving, what needed eliminating, and created action steps for myself to start moving forward.

When looking back on successes, it was always the same constant that led me there. Momentum. Taking action and creating that momentum would eventually lead me to win at a particular goal. Of course as an actor, if I blindly kept acting and attempting to hone my craft among the group of friends that I was surrounded by, I wouldn’t improve. I knew I had to be around other actors that actually booked work. The action you take has to have a feedback loop from people skilled in said field. I also joined an accountability group that allowed me to share my week’s goals, limited to 2 or 3 items. If I wasn’t moving forward, the group would chime in with suggestions. Eventually this group dissolved but it was a huge catalyst for leveling up in many aspects of my life, from career milestones to better relationships.

When I did my life audit, I focused on key areas that have the biggest impact on most peoples’ lives. Those areas are finances, relationships, environment, and health.

Each category has its own subcategories. For finances, it’s spending less than I make? Followed by a why?

You have to get to the core of the underlying reason to outsmart yourself next time you encounter a life stressor. When we have goals, we tend to find or latch on to an excuse as to why we can get the uncomfortable task done. You have to “Eat That Frog” as Brian Tracy would say in the aptly titled book. Doing the most uncomfortable thing first thing at the start of your day, but we’ll get more in to that later. My excuse kept being, technology. I didn’t have to right equipment, mic, I wanted dual angles so another camera, I needed a better computer for editing….

When you realize you have enough, assuming you’re not struggling to put food on the table, then everything else is manageable. It’s easy to minimize your expenses with one major trick. Don’t buy brand name items. If you’re into fashion, buy pre-owned and pay a little to get the item dry-clean and bam, nobody will know that you didn’t buy it right off the shelf. Even if they did… does it matter what they think? Or if they think less of you for it, do you really want to keep someone like that in your life or inner circle?

Another major life expense for many people is eating out. If you dine at a restaurant often, then you’re paying a hefty fee for service charges if it’s a sit-down order at your table establishment. I think it’s fair to eat out here and there, but if you are really trying to improve your life, and you don’t have your finances on lock, then you need to make some sacrifices. In stead, cook at home, if you suck at cooking, get some ready to eat meals or some with easy heat instructions. Meal plan companies are convenient and can save you money compared to eating out, but nothing is cheaper than cooking the raw ingredients. The biggest trade off is time. At some point, there will be diminishing returns from cooking your own meal with tasks like soaking your own beans overnight.

Next is relationships. One of the most underrated areas that need to be audited for an improve life is to take inventory of who you spend time with whether its conscious or unconscious. One person alone can make it or break it for you. I used to spend time with one of the most pessimistic friends who happened to also be an actor. He would constantly dwell on how hard it is to break in the industry and how lucky you have to be, how your race plays a huge role. I understand statistics and odds, but to focus on something out of your control like what race you are will only discourage you from taking matters in to your own hands. It led me to creating a short film myself, which led me to meet other filmmakers, which then gave me more confidence in audition rooms, which led to booking work and so on. Flash forward to present day, that “friend” is no longer acting and I’m happy to say that I booked the biggest role of my career to date on Paramount+ called Special Ops: Lioness. Hope you see it wink

We now move on to environment. The eye-opener I came across that led me to dive deeper into understanding the pros and cons of your environment was a study that discussed epigenetics. Which means “on top of or in addition to genetics.” I won’t bore you with science, there are tons of cool YouTube channels that I’ll leave that to, but the spark was trying to outsmart my own genetics when attempting to get in really good shape. Genetics is a factor many people in the fitness industry point to when they can’t seem to achieve a goal at the level they want. Well, epigenetics was brought up by a doctor friend of mine. Essentially, in a nutshell, it’s how your environmental exposures are what impact response of your genetics. This diagram, from ModernWellness.In, shows the different variables that can put a so called “stamp” on the genes.

It also makes sense why identical twins can have drastically different outcomes in life, if raised in different families. Think of the genome like the hardware of a computer, and the epigenome are like software that tell the computer when to work, how to work, and how much.

The last section is health, and I saved it for last because I think it’s the most important. When we are sick from even a cold, the only thing we really care about is getting better. We pause everything in life that is not mandatory to nurse ourselves back to tip top shape. We’ll have soup, OJ, and take all the vitamins we can so that feeling of less-than-normal will go away.

A friend of mine once told me to get a blood test, to really understand what is going on in my body. I looked at him like he was paranoid or maybe a hypochondriac.

He followed up with a simple question, do you get your oil change on time? I responded, yeah.

He hit me with a why? I said, I want my car to last long so I get a better trade-in value, I don’t want it to break down.

Then he paused and said, why do people care more about their cars than their own bodies?

Then it hit me, we don’t really think about our body and health until something goes wrong. Until something feels, “off”

He was right. I got a blood test and I also got a Dexa Scan to measure my body’s body fat percentage. There were some other great metrics that I was able to see with this session.

Another “ah-ha” moment for me regarding health, came from an article published by Dr. Daniel Amen, from the Amen Clinic. He’s the popular doctor known for doing brain scans and show imaging that compares a healthy brain compared to brains of smokers, drinkers, obese people, and much more. The study went on the talk about the size of the brain and how it shrinks as you gain more weight. It also affects mood. That’s when I really started to take inventory on my own health.

There were daily habits that I could implement that would improve my health, therefore improve my mood and as a side effect - improve my performance in auditions, in my being present in conversations, and in growing my businesses.

Here are some rapid-fire tips…

Watch less, read more.

Balance social media with in-person interactions.

Implement Dopamine detoxes every quarter.

Create boundaries for yourself and the people in your life.

Here’s a wellness checklist inspired by Jordan Peterson; Do you sleep on a regular schedule? Do you have 2-3 meaningful relationships? Do you implement a clean diet avoid eating junk food on a regular basis? Do you have a job that pays the bills? and do you live below your means?

If you can’t answer yes to all of the above, then you will plateau in growth and this can lead to stress, anxiety and lack of purpose.

The good news is, if your answer is no to any of those things, then you can take steps towards tackling then and you’ll see a improvements in your life.

It doesn’t happen overnight. Good habits take time to build, bad habits are hard to break and typically when you try to get rid of a bad habit, the best approach is to substitute it with a good one. Example, if you want to limit your social media intake before bed. Charge your phone in your kitchen, buy a regular alarm clock if you wont’ be able to hear your phone and keep a book by your bedside. Little hacks like this help create those little life habits that will make it easier to stick to your goals.

The irony of taking action is that we live in a world that is constantly bombarding us with information with a sense of urgency. You don’t hear about news unless it “breaking” or you get pitched product A because it will give you X much faster than product B.

The truth is, you don’t have to act fast. If fact, I would encourage you to slow down a bit. Take a deep breath. Smile in the mirror. Give yourself a little nod. A take one small step to improve your life. In the words of Yoda, “Do or do not. There is no try”

Thanks for watching. I’ll see you in the next one!